At the waters end.

Yesterday, I was inspecting some of my handy work with some of the large vegetation by the pool. I was looking up with my back to the water looking at the new growth and suddenly I was momentarily weightless and then a sharp flash of white pain in emanating from my right knee that wrenched immediately through the rest of my body.

I open my eyes. I am looking up at the surface of the water. I can’t breathe. I am submerged.

And the first thought that goes through my mind is: “Where is my phone?” I reach down and tap my pocket… “Yup”.

I pull myself out of the pool and hobble into the house, desperately asking my wife “Do we have any rice”. The answer to that question: “no”.

Currently my iPhone 5 is submerged, lying in stasis, in a large bag of rice where it will remain for the next three days before the fate will be determined. I put chance for survival around 15%.

How is it, that in this time and age, a $600 phone is defenseless against the very same elements that cover 2/3rds of the earth’s surface and falls freely from the sky, a thing that humans require to live and even excretes out of our own pores. Are you really telling me that this should be deemed acceptable? We have figured out a way to transmit the entire world’s worth of information and knowledge to small screen in our pockets WIRELESSLY but if it touches water all bets are off?

Why do Apple products have such an aversion to water? Is it possible that there are evil motives at work here? Motives that could also be called wicked?

Here is what we know:

1. Apple proudly proclaims that all of their products are designed in California.
2. According to the documentary “Oz the Great and Powerful”, “Theodora” became wicked by eating an Apple. (interesting)
3. Theodora is the “Wicked Witch of the West”.
4. California is in the west.
5. The wicked Witch is murdered by Dorothy by exposing the witch to water.
6. The iPhone is also made inoperable when exposed to water.

Is it possible that Apple is actually the brainchild of the descendants of Oz? I don’t know if that is the truth, but it’s the only explanation that I can come up with.